Dear Scam Art Sam,
This is a good one, with decent dividends
and a high success rate. You’ll need to employ
some charm and play your cards right, but unlike many others, the Powdered Milk
for Baby Scam works best when you don’t rush it.
You
Will Need
You, and an agreement with the clerk or
owner of a shop which stocks, perhaps especially for this scam, large buckets
of powdered milk. Optional: tattered
photograph of your starving baby.
Your
Grounds
Could be any country that visitors
(ie, potential Marks) preconceive as poor, or with a great divide between the
rich and the poor.
You
Appear poor with a starving family. You are probably a working man – say, a
mechanic or a gardener – but the recent economic downturn (there are always
hard times somewhere and for someone, so don’t think this is topical) has
unjustly thrown you out of work. Maybe
the corrupt government or police were involved, and you were discriminated
against. Injustice is always a winner. Essentially, you are trying but failing to
feed your family, especially your baby, because where you were born is pitted
against you.
Your
Mark
Is any visitor from an apparently wealthy
country to your apparently poor country.
Probably a young and solo Western male, but this is variable. The most important thing you’re looking for
is a fresh face and a desire to make a tangible difference in the world.
Your
Target Emotion
Could be pride (ie, the Mark must
do this in order to save the world), but typically, it is sympathy; but not so
much sympathy for you – for your starving baby.
That’s what makes this one so effective.
The
Routine
Step One: The Approach
This is just as crucial as a pick-up
line. You want to break the ice, but not
with a sledgehammer that telegraphs your punch.
Don’t be waiting for the Mark. Be
walking somewhere (looking for food for your baby), and grab him as he passes
you. Hey,
it’s you! I saw you at the… Subtext:
you look interesting, definitely more
interesting than all the other tourists here.
Maybe you saw the Mark at a café earlier, or walking by the market /
museum / beach / historical site / etc.
It doesn’t matter if the Mark spots the lie – you mistook him for
someone else, someone with blonde hair / green eyes / big muscles / polka-dot
skirt. Meanwhile, the Mark’s first
impression of you needs to be of someone charming yet downtrodden, filled with
stories yet empty of money.
Step Two: The Chat
Be patient.
By the time they get to you, most Marks will be somewhat hardened
against hustling. The first few minutes
of conversation are critical in establishing that you are a friend, just
looking for a chinwag, not seeking help or sympathy – in fact, you might try
being insulted at the suggestion. It’s
good here to have a few anecdotes. Maybe
about how the police mistreated you, how you met your wife, or what happened
while you applied for a visa (and were rejected, of course, because you didn’t
have the money) to the Mark’s home country.
Swear and then right away apologise for swearing. Condemn your country and the system, and then
say how great it is to have a country and a system like the Mark’s. Tell jokes, quote Shakespeare, be
yourself. Make the Mark feel like he is
having a cultural experience by just being in your presence. And, be sure to balance your talking with
questions for the Mark: about where he’s from, his wife, his job, his travels
(always implying, of course, how lucky he is).
Don’t talk too much or he’ll get disinterested, because you’re not
interested in him; and don’t ask too many questions, or he’ll feel targeted.
Step Three: The Bait
When the moment is right, ask for
help. It might be a good idea to pretend
you’re busy and need to go soon, and so you pop the question before heading off. Immediately tell the Mark that you do not
want his money. If he offers,
refuse. Push his hands away, get
insulted. Trust me, the return will be
bigger if you hold out. Tell the Mark that
your baby is starving and that you need to buy powdered milk. Will the Mark go with you to the shop to buy
the milk? If the Mark offers to give you
the money to go buy the milk, refuse.
Tell the Mark that you want him to know that you are trustworthy and not
using the money for anything else. It is
for your honour. Tourists always assume
that honour means more in the country they are visiting than it does in their
own.
Step Four: The Walk
You will be relatively close to the shop,
but not next door, so you will need to get the Mark across that distance
without time to think. So, here’s where
you pull out your best and juiciest whopper story, the one you’ve refined and
perfected with all the tragedy and comedy of the ages. If you get to the shop before you finish the
story, wait outside, as if the story is more important than him helping you –
everything for the punchline of that great gab.
Step Five: The Sell
This will depend on the shop, but it’s best
if you get the Mark to ask the clerk for what you’re looking for, and for the
clerk to fetch it. Alternatively, you
can get it and bring it to the till, but this is less effective. Just make sure that the Mark does not learn
the price until the item is scanned through and ready to be bought. The price, obviously, is high – but not
outrageous considering the size of the bucket of powdered milk. You want the bucket to be more surprising
than the amount, because you want the Mark to think of how long that will feed
your starving baby. Don’t rush the Mark
but do make him feel that this is a special moment in your life and, without
saying it, that you can’t wait to bring the gift home to your desperate
family. At this step, you’ll need less
charm, more emotion. If possible, a clever
partner in the clerk can be a tremendous asset: they can tell the Mark what a
great service he is doing, make the deed feel legitimate, and help you out if
the Mark has second thoughts.
Step Six: The Reward
Lose the Mark, but give him a fake number
if you want him to feel like he’s made a friend and thus to cover your
back. When he’s safely away, return to
the shop and give back the bucket of powdered milk in exchange for half of what
the Mark paid, or whatever you’ve negotiated.
Everyone wins.
Cautions
- If the Mark acts suspicious or asks questions about your motive, get offended, and make to leave. This is a general rule anyway: if you’ve been charming enough, he’ll chase you.
- If the Mark tries to purchase a smaller container, say it is not the right kind. Get the shop to stock, or at least display, only the kind of powdered milk you need in the bucket size.
- If the Mark decides at the last minute not to buy the powdered milk, act incredibly deflated and disappointed, as if life-saving fortune teased you and then turned its back. You may here want to ask for money in order to save up to buy the bucket, or you could hold out and put all your cards on the solemn and slow walk-away, in which you hope to be chased by a Mark who has changed his mind.
And that’s it. Happy hunting and let me know how it turns out,
QM
